being myself.

Some people have a really hard time opening up and being themselves.

I have the opposite problem.  I have a hard time being anything but myself.

And I always admire people who can keep their opinions to themselves, not fly off the handle in the face of percieved injustice, hold their liqur, the list goes on.
I have run into a lot of mothers in this world who feel the need to put on this mask of perfect harmony, as if their kids are perfect and they love every minute of being a parent, and that's what they show to the whole world.  Well, take it from me: those women are full of shit.

I have a big problem with these women, because being a mother is hard.  They will tell you the same thing; it's the hardest job there is.  But they will say it with a big smile on their faces and add something like but it's the most beautiful thing I could have done with my life!
Well fine.  Fair enough.  It is beautiful when your little baby smiles for the first time, the first time they hug you back, when they're so attached to you that they don't want you to leave their sight.  These are all just afew tiny rewards of being a parent.  And they do make it all worth it.  But why can't we talk about the shitty parts of being a mother?  Why can't we unite in solidarity and just shout it out loud: SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE STICKING MY HEAD IN THE OVEN!!!

Just sometimes.  I mean, why can't we just admit it?
Why can't we be a little more honest about it?
By pretending that everything is hunky dory all the time, how are mothers who are struggling with parenthood expected to feel?  Like failures, because they are not measuring up to this bullshit, nonexistent standard that they can never hope to reach?  Ew!

I love being a mom.  But I also love being myself.  And here are a few facts about myself:

I am usually the loudest person in the room.
I'm not shy.
Sometimes I say things that are really inappropriate, like jokes about dumpster babies.
I also make a lot of jokes about drnking.
I drink a lot of wine to unwind after a rough stay-at-home mommy kind-of-day.
If I don't like someone, it's obvious and it makes me look like a real asshole.
Sometimes I wish I had more time to do the things that make me feel like myself again.  Things that I never get to do anymore.  Write, paint, listen to Leonard Cohen and highlight my favourite stanzas in poetry anthology books.
Sometimes I feel a teeny bit resentful because I never lived my dreams.

But these things never stop me from going into the boys' rooms when they're sleeping peacefully in the middle of the night and shedding a tear because my heart is just overflowing with pure love for these little guys and the carnal instinct to keep them safe and happy no matter what.

Admitting that motherhood can be a real pain-in-the-ass, thankless job that sometimes downright blows does not make us bad mothers.  If anything, it makes us better.  It allows us to look inside of ourselves and be honest and always strive to wake up and be a little bit better than we were yesterday.  We can support each other. 

If you ever have a rotten day with your kids, you can always talk to me about it.  I won't think you're a monster.  I'll think I found a kindred spirit.  And I need more of those.

Has It Been So Long?!

I shame myself.

It has been SO LONG since I have written ANYTHING that I am filled with anxiety just typing this.

But I owe you an explanation.

Motherhood has been stressful.  I don't know if I'm handling it well.  Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm a great mother, but it wears on me.  It leaves little time to do much for myself.  But as any parent (or non-parent, as it were) will tell you, everyone needs me time.  So I have decided to revive This Young Mum and continue to share my adventures with the internet world!  I used to have regular readers in Africa.  I wonder what those 2 are up to these days...

Anyway.  Yeah.  Stressful.  It's not like I haven't thought about you.  I do it all the time.  I always want to write.  But I am so busy with play dates and watching Toy Story (1, 2 and 3, respectively) all day, every day, that I haven't been able to devote the time to you that you deserve.  Between all the runny noses and shitty diapers, it's a wonder I still manage to look as fantastic as I think I do every day, lt alone sit here in the cafe by myself and write this.  Yes, I am at a cafe (it has a bar in it, yeah, shut up) and yes, I am alone.  Snoff all you will. 

...

So it's a little later on now and I am waiting for my indian meal at the restaurant downstairs from the baltimore house (where I was)
Now I can't focus on anything besides eating, so I have to go.  But I will be back.  I missed being "a blogger" and thus, you will hear from me again soon.  I missed you everyone.  I will enjoy my me-time once more. 

Monday Morning Inspiration

If your kid is anything like my kid, than your kid will eat anything as long as it's on a stick.
Cake pops are fantastic.
They're cute, they're tasty, but they're usually a total pain in the ass to make.
But Aubrey and Lindsay have come up with a 5-minute cake pops recipe that even the laziest momma will be excited to make!
Ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out!

o_0

Wow.  Today isn't very awesome.
I must be going through something.  I just feel sickly.  Like a terminally ill patient.  I'm hungry but I don't want to eat anything.  The baby is driving me up the wall.  He's bored and nothing I seem to come up with is entertaining him in the least.  We went out.  Went for a walk to Tim Hortons in his special car.  We sat and shared some soup and I let him have a timbit.  He's had one short nap... and when he started waking up I felt like jumping off a building.
He just wants to get into everything now.  Everything.  He climbs up on all the furniture constantly and there's just nothing I can do about it!  I keep moving him and saying no, putting him somewhere else with a toy or something but he does it again.  and again.  and again.
I'm lonely at home today by myself too.
I got this great book yesterday that I can't even start reading because I can't take my eye of this kid.  He just climbs on everything.  What are you supposed to do with that?  And of course I never blog anymore so I have to do that... so while I have him temporarily occupied I'm doing this instead of reading my fantastic-sounding new book.
I should be cherishing my time with Carter that I have left before I have to leave him for a week... but right now I just wish he would fall asleep for 3 or 4 hours.  Or go to a friend's house and bother the shit out of some other kid's mom for a while (someday!!!).
Well.  He's crying again.
Have I mentioned he doesn't eat anything anymore?!  And when he does it - God, he's picky.
So I've also had it up to here with making 3 different meals for him 6 times every day.
In the end he will always eat cold cuts and cheese.  So.
My heart is beating really hard and really fast and I feel like screaming at somebody but nobody has done anything wrong.  Maybe when Mike comes home he will leave something out of the fridge and I can get my anger out by screaming about botulism or something.
I'm doing the very best I can with my life and I just feel like I'm failing everything.
Fucking bi-polar.
Some days and other days.  If only I could put it into words.

I'm going to go eat this orange and spend the rest of the day trying to figure out how to appease my baby and how to avoid hearing anybody speak, until I can finally curl up in bed and start this whole circus over again tomorrow morning.

I need this vacation.  Badly.

will do.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cups

CLICK HERE!!!!

A Short Short Post

Well.
Today my psychiatrist dumped me.
I guess that's a good thing, though?  I don't know.
I just know that I don't like being dumped.

I haven't had a whole lot to say lately.  Inspiration tends to strike in the middle of the night, when there is no way in hell I'm going to sit in front of the laptop and write anything.  In the morning, it's always gone.  I need to start getting up in the middle of the night and writing, before all of my readers abandon me for another blogger and feeds them regularly.

If you haven't found a way to see Oprah's Master Class, the 2-parter on herself is the most incredibly inspiring thing I have ever watched, ever, and I highly recommend you tune to OWN (her network) and find it, watch it, record it, keep it forever, and watch it some more.

Anyway, here's a little clip I found on youtube:


And if for some reason you want to make fun of me because I worship Oprah, get the fuck out.

Anyway.  I will try to write something lengthy and witty as soon as I can.