Thursday, July 22, 2010

straightening irons and how they have turned us into drones.

My poor hair.
The other day I was at it again with the straightening iron. I heard it singe and saw the fly aways with split ends and I sighed as I slowly ended its life forever.
I knew this girl in high school, her name was Jasmine. She had awful hair. but one day she discovered her iron. Her clothes iron. From them on she always had pin straight hair. It didn't take long for it to look like absolute shit, though. And then she had to keep straightening it because she destroyed it far too much at this point to just let it be.
The thing is, once we all discovered our beloved straightening irons we could hardly go a day without using it! We could have hair like asians!!

Okay. But we are not asian. We do not have perfect hair and we do not do long division for fun. As I slid that hot angry tool down my beautiful hair and heard it scream again and again I had a thought: What the fuck is wrong with my hair anyway that I feel the need to stand in front of this mirror every second day and torture it?
It's just wavy! It's not bad hair at all! It doesn't deserve this treatment! Every once in a while is just fine, but why am I doing this to myself all the time? Especially since most days I don't even leave the house! And it takes like 15 minutes to do! That is 15 minutes I could spend doing anything else. Like eating the breakfast that usually has to wait until lunchtime.

I am retiring the straightening iron.
I am starting a revolution!
Just think about it: how many of the most beautiful women in history can you think of who had hair that was totally limp and lifeless? Straight and nothing else. Paris Hilton does not count, how dare you even think of her?! She is about as sexy as the special olympics. Think Sophia Loren! Think Kate Moss! Picture them with pin-straight hair. No way. They are icons of beauty because of their sexy bed head.

So now that I have given up the iron what have i been using?
Well, I'm glad you asked! Because I just so happened to have discovered the greatest hair product in the universe the other day! And I'm not talking about dry shampoo, although I was pretty pumped when I discovered that, too.
I am talking about GOSH wet and dry saltwater.

This stuff is probably the best break I could've given my hair. You just spray it in your hair and blow dry. Or you spray it in dry hair. And it gives you instant beach hair. Like you know when you go swimming in the ocean? And your hair afterwards? I used to love my hair post-ocean. It felt dirty and looked awesome.

So that is my recommendation. I know you have no reason at all to listen to me, but I suggest you put down those nasty flat iron and do something nice for your head.

mum jams: my way - sid vicious

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