Friday, August 20, 2010

anxiety!!!

So.
Maybe I will only ever write posts every third day, since this is the recent pattern, anyway.
Again, this is just the way it happens when you're busy with a baby all day, every day.
Speaking of baby, tomorrow will be my first time ever leaving him for the night.  It will be a long and anxiety-filled 20-something hours without my wee porkchop.  If I think too much about it I start to cry.  Tomorrow I will be a mess.
But, when there's a wedding, you must go.
Thing is, I don't trust anybody with him the way I trust myself with him.  Nobody could ever possibly do it properly because they aren't his mommy. Not to toot my own horn but, he's a big fan of his mommy.  I cuddle just right.
So today I have a couple of things to do before we leave super early tomorrow morning.
I have to wash the sheets
I have to leave some notes for Sherry
I have to make the booboo some cereal and leave it in the fridge
I have to tidy the house up
I have to spend the entire day soaking up baby lovin's.
I have to pack.

I don't want to leave him.  I don't want to leave him.  Oh my God, I do not want to leave him.
There it is.  I started crying.
I can't help but imagine the worst!  Bad shit could happen!  We could get in a car crash!  He could have a miserable time and miss us terribly!  Somebody might drop him!  Or shake him!  Or lose him at a grocery store!  Or leave him on a bus!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!


I am over-reacting.
But we will be a really long drive away and if anything bad happens I won't be able to rush over to the rescue.  And no matter how hard I try, I just can't shake the feeling that I shouldn't go.  But I am.
Please take good care of my baby while I'm gone :(

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