Thursday, November 4, 2010

Eye Contact.

I'm not very good with eye contact.  I never have been.  It has always felt a little aggressive for some reason.  But now I have this job with these rotten little shits awesome little treasures and I have to keep my cool, and I have to stay in control.
These kids dominate me sometimes.
I don't remember crying over not being IT, or crying because I was eliminated from a game, or crying because someone "stole my spot" in some stupid line up for the drinking fountain.  But you should see these kids!  They cry constantly!  And of course I just think of them all as someone else's Carter, so I try to fix things.

But you know when someone's really upset and then you approach them and they become a million times more upset?  Well, that's what they do.  Every. Single. Time.
Sometimes there are as many as 3 kids crying at a time!  It's madness!
So I have finally resorted to just letting them cry.
They calm down so much faster than if you coddle them and beg them to come join the group and play.  It's so simple!!!  Who knew?

But sometimes you have to give the kids shit.
Like when someone whips a bean bag at another kid's face.  Or when someone throws a hoola hoop over the basketball net and the janitor has to come get it down.  Or when someone runs off without warning.  These things happen.
And they never listen to me!  they never care what I have to say!

So I sought some advice on a forum.
The key - apparently - is eye contact.  Make eye contact.  Maintain eye contact.  Never break eye contact first.  I just got this advice today.

I never knew that I would have to use my new eye contact intimidation technique on a super old indian lady wearing dress pants with dirty sneakers.  She's sitting across from me on the bus, looking at me like I am the most perplexing creature she's ever seen.  At first I look away.  Then I'm all like nono, I'm going to stare back.  And after about 3 seconds she raises her eyebrows all feisty-like and looks out the window of the bus.  Lindsay - 1, Old Indian Medicine Woman - 0.

The next time I used it was at work maybe an hour later.  Someone was out.  So I said "so and so, you're out" and he's all like noooooooo wha wha wha I'm not out wha wha and I stare.  And stare.  And he stomps away without any further argument.

I'm telling you, I've found kryptonite.  Is that how they spell it?  Hmm.

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