It took me a while to accept my place as Carter's mom.
I don't know if this is something all mothers experience or what. Maybe I had such a hard time because the pregnancy was unplanned, and in the blink of an eye my fun-loving independent lifestyle was gone, and I was in my parents' basement with Mike. No more independence. No more freedom.
When Carter came along, I still tried desperately to cling to friendships with people I knew weren't going to want much to do with the new and improved me. I guilted my old friends into spending time with me and when I went partying, all I could think was what am I doing here? Who are these people? But I'm entitled to have fun sometimes too. I need to get out once in a while too. So that's what I was doing there. And who cares who those people were? They were just there to make me feel like I had friends.
The truth is, I do have friends. And I don't use them to go out and get shitfaced with me when I'm stressed out and want to feel like the old me. I'm not the old me anymore. I'm a better me.
And the friends that I have ask about my son. They ask how I'm doing. They understand that I have almost no time for anything anymore. We don't see each other a whole lot but I know that they are there. And when push comes to shove, I can ask them for absolutely anything. There are only a couple of you, and I'm sure you know who you are. So thank you for letting our friendships evolve along with myself and my new role - mommy. It means a lot.
Going out and dancing and having some drinks is fun. It's awesome to do once every few months or so. But I can do that with my husband. I can do that with my sister-in-law, my brother, even my mom if I begged her long enough. Maybe not, actually.
And even if I don't wear a dress, heels and false lashes, I still know how to have a good time. It's just a different kind of good time these days.
Carter and I walk to Tim Hortons and sit for a while with a tea...
My family and I will go to Chapter's for a few hours.
Going to dinner at my mother-in-law's house. Mmmm.
Car rides. To any place.
Visiting Teaopia and choosing a few new and exciting varieties of tea...
Having a glass of wine and watching Hell's Kitchen.
Reading a really heavy book.
Making something I never thought I'd be able to - roast beef. (It was so tasty)
Strolling around downtown Oakville.
This is my life now! And it's fun, it's happy, and it's full of love. Why the fuck did I think I needed to get drunk downtown with a bunch of strangers?!