Sunday, January 16, 2011

Old Friends.

Sometimes I can be a bit of a misanthropist.  Heavy misanthropist.  You've learned that about me by now, surely.
I don't make friends easily.  The ones I have had have been exceptional.  Every good friend I've had has been exceptional in some way, and that's a prerequisite for being close to me: I have to admire you.  I live to be inspired and enchanted and I like to surround myself with people who encourage me to be more.  But I do lose touch with a lot of friends after a while.  Friends are even harder to keep than they are to make.  Friendships require upkeep that I usually just can't be bothered with.  And I'm great at blaming other people for my own negligence.
So when I lost touch with a friend of mine and 2 years later she wants to get together for some coffee, I'm all like ?????... but I went.  I had tea.  Conversation was easier than I expected and I no longer find her to be insufferably disillusioned about herself.  That used to drive me completely insane.  But we have both grown up, evidently; I had a wonderful time reconnecting with her.
It's easy to write people off once you lose touch, and not want to resurrect some dead thing that died for a good reason, a long time ago.  I would never have initiated this date.
It makes me wonder about all of the other exceptional people I was once close to.  Laura?  Where are you?  Brittany?  What happened to everybody?!
My old friend I went out with today is still exceptional.  She has paintings of vaginas on her walls and handfuls of condoms at her front door.  She never wears a bra and she is covered with tattoos.  I find her even more fascinating than I did before we lost touch.

So maybe it's not so bad: beating the dead horse.  Maybe it was all my fault and I missed you all along.  I don't know.  I just know I need to put forth a little more effort when it comes to the ones I love, who hang on by a thread while I live my life so far from theirs...

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