Sometimes I can be a bit of a misanthropist. Heavy misanthropist. You've learned that about me by now, surely.
I don't make friends easily. The ones I have had have been exceptional. Every good friend I've had has been exceptional in some way, and that's a prerequisite for being close to me: I have to admire you. I live to be inspired and enchanted and I like to surround myself with people who encourage me to be more. But I do lose touch with a lot of friends after a while. Friends are even harder to keep than they are to make. Friendships require upkeep that I usually just can't be bothered with. And I'm great at blaming other people for my own negligence.
So when I lost touch with a friend of mine and 2 years later she wants to get together for some coffee, I'm all like ?????... but I went. I had tea. Conversation was easier than I expected and I no longer find her to be insufferably disillusioned about herself. That used to drive me completely insane. But we have both grown up, evidently; I had a wonderful time reconnecting with her.
It's easy to write people off once you lose touch, and not want to resurrect some dead thing that died for a good reason, a long time ago. I would never have initiated this date.
It makes me wonder about all of the other exceptional people I was once close to. Laura? Where are you? Brittany? What happened to everybody?!
My old friend I went out with today is still exceptional. She has paintings of vaginas on her walls and handfuls of condoms at her front door. She never wears a bra and she is covered with tattoos. I find her even more fascinating than I did before we lost touch.
So maybe it's not so bad: beating the dead horse. Maybe it was all my fault and I missed you all along. I don't know. I just know I need to put forth a little more effort when it comes to the ones I love, who hang on by a thread while I live my life so far from theirs...