Monday, February 21, 2011

Trouble Sleeping

Can't sleep.

My mind is racing.  I keep thinking about our house hunt: what can we afford?  How long will we live there?  Will we get a dog?  What will we name the dog?  What's my decorating style?  Shelves or cupboards in the kitchen?  Shelves are cheaper and they're kind of trendy right now...
I'm also thinking about the house I fell in love with that we let slip through our fingers.  It was beautiful but it needed work that two broke, working parents of a baby just can't finish in a timely manner.  I hope that whoever buys the house keeps the claw-footed bathtub and doesn't change the hardword flooring.  It's old but that's part of its charm.
I'm also thinking a lot about my boss's boyfriend, for some reason.  My boss is married but her husband had a stroke 6 years ago and she still lives with him and takes care of him (and runs his business and broke him out of a nursing home because he wanted to go home..) but she has a boyfriend on the side.  Everyone at the bar hates him but I have decided to like him.  In the face of dozens of loyal bar-flies who would love nothing more than to bang his woman and shoot him in the head, he stays and takes care of the bar with her.  He keeps her company.  He looks after her and he loves her.  So I have decided that the situation isn't as gruesome and creepy as everyone else sees it.  It's kind of sweet.  I like the boyfriend.  So there.
And why have I been eating nothing but donuts and baba ghanouj?  For the last week, I've been eating a steady diet of boston cream donuts, tea, toasted pita dipped in babe ghanouj and the occasional plate of french fries covered with ketchup and a ton of salt at work.  Something's gotta change.  But I love the donuts.  My emotions have been in overdrive and I have been eating my feelings.  I'll admit that.  I am such a fat girl on the inside.
I have been growing increasingly obsessed with split ends.
I flip my hair and pick through it endlessly, searching for, and yanking out, strands of hair that are fraying at the ends.  I've been getting headaches as a result.  But I can't stop.  And I don't want to get a haircut because the last time I got worried about split ends I ended up with two inches left on my head and everyone thought I was a lesbian.  Yeesh.  What to do, what to do...
Well, that's an update for you.  Oh!  My family doctor is sending me to a psychiatrist to find out just what exactly is wrong with me (and has been for years now) so that's an exciting development!
And I haven't seen my brother in a week, because we got in a huge fight and now I don't know where he is.  I still don't like him very much, but I hope he's safe and showering regularly.

Goodnight, all.

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