Thursday, May 12, 2011


Wow.  Today isn't very awesome.
I must be going through something.  I just feel sickly.  Like a terminally ill patient.  I'm hungry but I don't want to eat anything.  The baby is driving me up the wall.  He's bored and nothing I seem to come up with is entertaining him in the least.  We went out.  Went for a walk to Tim Hortons in his special car.  We sat and shared some soup and I let him have a timbit.  He's had one short nap... and when he started waking up I felt like jumping off a building.
He just wants to get into everything now.  Everything.  He climbs up on all the furniture constantly and there's just nothing I can do about it!  I keep moving him and saying no, putting him somewhere else with a toy or something but he does it again.  and again.  and again.
I'm lonely at home today by myself too.
I got this great book yesterday that I can't even start reading because I can't take my eye of this kid.  He just climbs on everything.  What are you supposed to do with that?  And of course I never blog anymore so I have to do that... so while I have him temporarily occupied I'm doing this instead of reading my fantastic-sounding new book.
I should be cherishing my time with Carter that I have left before I have to leave him for a week... but right now I just wish he would fall asleep for 3 or 4 hours.  Or go to a friend's house and bother the shit out of some other kid's mom for a while (someday!!!).
Well.  He's crying again.
Have I mentioned he doesn't eat anything anymore?!  And when he does it - God, he's picky.
So I've also had it up to here with making 3 different meals for him 6 times every day.
In the end he will always eat cold cuts and cheese.  So.
My heart is beating really hard and really fast and I feel like screaming at somebody but nobody has done anything wrong.  Maybe when Mike comes home he will leave something out of the fridge and I can get my anger out by screaming about botulism or something.
I'm doing the very best I can with my life and I just feel like I'm failing everything.
Fucking bi-polar.
Some days and other days.  If only I could put it into words.

I'm going to go eat this orange and spend the rest of the day trying to figure out how to appease my baby and how to avoid hearing anybody speak, until I can finally curl up in bed and start this whole circus over again tomorrow morning.

I need this vacation.  Badly.

will do.

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