That's it, the kid is a year old now. And I haven't uploaded pictures yet. Whatever, I'll do it when I feel like it. It's a huge pain in the ass because I don't have the USB cable (and haven't since I got the camera) so.. I don't want to explain it. Just trust me that it's a real bitch to upload photos.
I am (obviously) very congratulatory of myself for surviving an entire year of motherhood! And I am thriving! I'm doing so much better than I thought I would, and Carter is surprisingly well-adjusted. Hitting milestones in a timely fashion, smiling more than any other baby I've ever seen, saying BABYCAKES (he says it, I swear to you. Sounds like GAY KAY, but he's saying BABYCAKES). Mike and I are still in love with each other. I'm exactly the size I was before I got pregnant (except for the bingo arms. I do have a slight case of the bingo arms). At any rate, I did it guys!
This got me thinking about what my role is as a parent.
We were at Sears today and I was giving Carter some water to drink, and it dawned on me: he doesn't belong to me. He stopped belonging to me the second that cord was cut. I was his way in to the world. I was the vessel that carried him to his first breath, and that is what my purpose has been. It's not as sad as it sounds. I want him to be his own person. I don't want to own his feelings, or his thoughts, and I don't need to feel heartbroken when he sets off on a life of his own, without me. This will eventually happen, of course.
He is the arrow. And I am the bow. And my job is of tantamount importance. I steadily hold myself. I take aim for as far as I possibly can. And only when my aim is perfect and I am confident in my shot do I take it. And that's what parenting is, to me. Well, of course it's a lot more complicated than that, but that is the best metaphor I can think of. A bow and an arrow. One is hopeless without the other, and yet they are mutually exclusive and separate pieces altogether.
I think if people thought about things the way my over-reaching mind thinks of things, they would probably take their positions in life a lot more seriously.
