Monday, July 19, 2010


I'm watching Obsessed on A&E right now.
I hate to say it but... I think these people are full of shit.
So you have to tap the light switch 8 times or everyone is going to die? Okay.
Did you just one day come to the conclusion that you alone have the power to save the human race? I cracked the code. You control the future. You are the tappers of the switches and our lives depend on you. I don't even have the words to describe how fucking crazy this sounds to me. My diagnoses: You're fine. Get a Clapper.
If you want to tap light switches it's because you're out of your mind.
And along comes this highly qualified, totally over-paid therapist who has these people attach a number between 1 and 10 to their level of "anxiety" and tells them not to tap the light switch. This guy is a fucking saviour.

therapist: how do you feel?
weirdo: My face is burning, i feel like the world is ending
therapist: your level of anxiety?
weirdo: 9 (Okay, really? You don't tap the light switch and you feel the way I would feel if I were dangling from a thread 300 feet above pavement? A 10 would be if the thread broke. For me anyway. Hmm...)
therapist: good. wait it out. it will pass.
eventually the "anxiety" passes
weirdo: (starts bawling uncontrollably) I have my life back! It's a miracle oh sob sob sob
stupid, ridiculously over-paid therapist: I am so proud of you.
Now that is some really progressive treatment. REALLY?

Fuck off.
You don't need to go on national television to be cured by some quack shipped in by A&E. All you need to do is tell someone to punch you in the face the next time you start tapping light switches. In fact, you can call me anytime. I will charge half as much as your average OCD therapist would. And I promise that my type of therapy will be just as effective. For both of us. Idiot.

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