Saturday, August 14, 2010

venus and mars in bed

Men and women are so different.
Mike and I are super close.  Closer than most couples.  When I pooped my pants I told him all about it and we shared a good laugh.  Yeah.  Too close, maybe but who asked you?
Anyway!  Our relationship proves to me every day how very different men are from women.
Some of the things that make Mike happy include beer, hockey, superhero movies, and the couch.  As long as Mike is fed and gets laid every so often, he's just peachy.  He can't ask for anything more.
Me?  I'm slightly higher maintenance.  My happiness is a very precise cocktail of 2 antidepressants, a couple of glasses of wine every evening, at least one trip to the mall every month, a weekly trip to Chapters, tons of reassurance that I'm still pretty even though I'm balding and take-out food.  any deviation in my happiness regimen results in hours of weeping and self-pity.  I can't help it.  Honestly.

Tonight, Mike is off to see The Expendables with his friend, Tom (another simple man just trying to make it through his day-to-day life with his wife and children.  Poor men).  I would never choose to spend good money on going to see that film.  I am instead blogging (hi guys!) and listening to "I'll Stand By You" on Itunes.  Drinking, of course, wine.  The baby is sleeping and I am looking forward to going to bed for the very first time with my 800 thread count 100% egyptian cotton bed sheets.  Yes.  Now, those of you out there who appreciate egyptian cotton are really, really jealous of me right now because I got these 150 dollar sheets for 60 bucks.  HA HA!  It's a real score, and I'm proud of myself.  I've always wanted sheets that made me feel like a glamourpuss.  And now I have them.  You can't hear me laughing  right now, but take my word for it - it is pretty diabolical.
Mike won't say it, but he totally thinks these sheets were a waste of money.  But he knows better than to fuck with me when it comes to the frivolous crap that I absolutely must have.  He's a very good man in that way.  I love him to bits.
If I told him I got those sheets for $20, he would have crawled in between them and probably cried with pure, unadulterated joy.  Because they are luxury.
But $60 for bed sheets is a purchase that the male brain will never be able to fully comprehend.  Even if you got them for over 50% off.
That right there, ladies and gentlemen, is the best example of the vast differences between men and women.  Bed sheets.  After all, I could have bought a lot of beer for that.

join us