I was thinking about school today, and how never having to go back is probably my favourite thing about being grown up. I use the term "grown up" loosely.
So much to hate about school. So so much. Didn't everybody hate it?
Some kids in school were just perfect. They were beautiful and you never knew how they got such a fantastic wardrobe. They never wore running shoes and they made you feel small and pathetic. I wore running shoes every day. And until I got my own job, chances are they were my mom's old running shoes. I wore those Filas for, like, 3 years. Thanks, Ma.
All those fucking perfect idiots in school always had so many friends, didn't they? That was another thing. Never had many friends. I was such a misanthropist. I always have been. Still am. The social hierarchy of high school was so damaging to me, I still have a hard time looking blondes in the eye. Those scary bitches control the world.
Stupid teachers. So many stupid, dumb-as-fuck teachers. Don't get me wrong, there were some great teachers. A few of them I even keep in touch with over facebook. But most of the teachers in this world just have no business being teachers...
With all of the things there were to hate about school, the biggest thing, the worst thing, what I hated more than anything, was pairing up. Remember pairing up? Getting into groups? Working on shit together? Shit that would be about 83x easier if you could just do it by your fucking self?
How I hated pairing up. Oh, how I hated getting into groups. This almost always seemed to happen when I was having a terrible day. I don't know, my boyfriend would find out I kissed another guy or someone would dump fucking tomato juice on me or something and then I'd have to work on some arbitrary, ridiculous, stupidly easy worksheet with them. Conjugating verbs, which incidentally, 98% of high school students just can't comprehend.
Pairing up was so awful. There were only a few options in terms of roles that you could take on during a group activity.
You could be the person who takes on the leadership role and winds up doing the entire thing her/his self
You could be the person who does absolutely nothing and just sits there saying "why can't we just do this ourselves, I hate this shit... wha wha wha" (this person usually has home-made tattoos that they gave themselves in the back of the classroom with a safety pink and a bic pen)
Or you could be the idiot who tries to help but whose every idea is just stupid. (and then the first person listed would have to find a way to let you down gently without actually saying what everyone is thinking: that this fucker is stupid)
Or, finally, you could be the person who just jokes around, wastes time and gets everyone playing MASH. Remember MASH?
So, to all of the brave soldiers who are carrying the torch through these painful and awkward years, good for you. Keep on truckin'. It may be tempting at times to just drop out, LORD KNOWS! But you can't. This bullshit will only make you stronger.
Happy back-to-school, suckers!!!