I may stop titling posts all together. I'm not good at it. Some people are. Not I.

Oh, the incredible pain of having to take your little baby in to get a shot.

They go into the doctor's office, happy as a clam, totally unsuspecting. They are so trusting of you that they don't question for a second that you will protect them from anything. They don't even really know what pain is!

And then in a flash, the needle juts into his chubby little thigh and the screaming just slices your heart in half.

And then they get him in the other leg!!!

And the little baby is probably thinking why didn't you get me out of here after the first hurt? Why did there have to be a second hurt? I thought you loved me. Who are you?

I always end up tearing up a little bit.

He always ends up tearing up a lot.

Poor little guy.

But of course, we're home now and he is just dandy. Refusing to go to sleep as usual.

So regarding all of my recent dramas:

I have decided that people are going to do things that disappoint you all the fucking time and there really is no preventing that. Getting angry at them is only going to hurt you. It makes you look like an asshole and it makes you feel, well, angry. And angry isn't a very good feeling. I prefer ambivalence.

I have shut people out of my life for little reasons, and for big reasons. And I will probably always shut people out for the big reasons. But if it's only going to hurt me, then why should I bother?

A heartfelt conversation expressing your needs to someone is always a better way to go. And if they don't care then you are well within your rights to poison their puppy and TP their house.

I would say that I have grown up a little bit. Don't you think? No? Okay, fine. Maybe not. But I am learning.

This morning Mike woke me up and when I woke up I thought I was still dreaming. In my dream, he was taking me to the mall. So when he woke me up this morning, after a few seconds, I was just really disappointed to see that it was 7:30 in the morning and we were just going to the stupid Doctor's office to stick sharp things in our perfect little noodle child.

In other news, it looks like our boy will have 2 testicles, after all! For those who don't know, he had hernia surgery when he was 2 months old and he was at risk of losing his left testicle forever. But, so far so good.

For the rest of the day I believe I will watch everything I have on DVR (umm, 4 episodes of So You Think You Can Dance yes yes yes!!!) and make up for lost time on the computer. I still haven't found my USB cable for my camera, so I still can't put up pictures of my amazing de-cluttering job, not that that's of interest to anybody but myself. And maybe people who read this and wonder what the place I sleep in looks like... Those people should know I drool and snore and scratch Mike with my toenails all the time.

Putting one's foot in one's mouth

I was going to take photos of my basement gutting experience, but I am missing a critical USB cable. And I'm missing another one for my ipod. It's upsetting. But anyway.

I learned a very valuable lesson yesterday that, I think, most people learn by the time they turn 12 years old. I learned that it is not always nice to say what you're thinking. Sometimes you should think before acting. Sometimes you should cool down before doing anything.

No deets, but yesterday was a truly abysmal disaster. It felt really good to clean out the kitchen and the living room (bedroom tomorrow - EEP!) and now the mood of the place seems a little more lifted than yesterday's. In my own way, I have tried to make everything better.

So. 3 boxes full of donation items. 1 big bag of food bank items. 3 garbage bags full of, well, garbage and 2 bags full of carter's old clothes gone. It feels really good. Kind of like a fresh start. But I am still not in the best mood ever, so I think it best to just stay off the laptop for today and focus on damage control and calming down. Just wanted to check in.

i struggle with blog titles. how about "Organiz-a-thon 2010"

So we went to Chapters today. Chapters is even better for me, emotionally, than the mall. I have no problem admitting that spending money is extremely therapeutic for me. This is after seeing psychiatrists and being on meds. We bought a couple of things. I got a few books. And Mike bought me some Harney & Sons tea (so luxurious - tea bags made of SILK!) because he loves me, and because I love tea.

So one of the books I bought is about organizing the home. It employs the feng shui philosophy. A large part of me wants to scoff and be all like, "pfft, right. feng shui. put turkeys by the front door to bring luck. Pffffffffffffffffffft!!!" but I have to admit; When I walk into the kitchen and see an overflowing trash can, my heart does sink. When I wake up next to a teetering pile of crap I never want to get out of bed. There is a reason hotel rooms are so wonderful. No teetering stack of junk on the nightstand.

When I lived in my very own place, all by myself, my bedroom window faced east, and I only had a very sheer curtain. So when the sun rose the light always flooded into my bedroom and I always woke up feeling energized and happy. Now that we live in a feckin basement, and there isn't a single window in the bedroom, I haven't exactly been bright-eyed and bushy tailed, to say the least. Why not give the feng shui book a chance?

Anyway, it has a big section with steps on organizing and purging for each room. The idea is to get rid of a lot of stuff. I'm down with that because a) I do have a tendency to collect useless things just because they're nice to look at and b) we live in a basement at the moment. Some stuff has got to go. Today I stumbled into the dungeon and almost barfed when I saw a shriveled up dead mouse on the floor...

I'm going to start in the kitchen. I'm going to collect all of the useless canned goods that have been there all year, and whatever else we don't need and donate it all to the Welsley centre, I guess. Get rid of the star trek dishes. Reward my hard work by purchasing some nice new dishes. The end goal is to always have a 98% clear counter space. I may start tomorrow. But keep in mind: finding time to do these things isn't easy for me. I'm a very busy mommy for 21-22 hours every day. Mike always gives me a short break but I usually spend that time on the ol' macbook instead of doing anything useful.

So! Starting tomorrow (yes, I suppose I will commit to starting tomorrow) I will take you all on the journey of organizing with me. Because if I have to do it, I'm dragging all of you down with me. I will post photos and tell you how to do it yourselves, in your own homes. But like I said, that'll be tomorrow.

Right now, I am going to flip through FACEHUNTER and drink my awesome tea. Tea from a silk bag does taste better.

mum jams: Transatlanticism - Deathcab for Cutie