The House is a Mess.

Why is my blog losing followers?
I'm going to disable the following function, that way my feelings don't have to get hurt all the time by complete strangers.  I hope you're all happy.

So the dogs are driving me fucking nuts.  Well, actually the dogs are really just the beginning.  My parents have been gone for over 2 weeks now.  And the dogs go absolutely apeshit when my mom isn't home.  They don't know what to do with themselves.  They're like a couple of weirdos at a televangelist church.  You probably didn't understand that one, but in my mind it made perfect sense.  They are a couple of televangelists and they can't find Ted Haggard.  They're completely flipping out.  Babycakes, right now, is panting insanely, staring at me and whimpering for no reason I can figure.
They make themselves so sick with worry and stress that they shit and puke on the floor in the middle of the night.  And I have to clean it.
And then there's the brood of boys in the house who are all seemingly incapable of picking up after themselves.  I was resisting at first.  Let them live in their own filth, I said to myself.  But sure enough, things got so bad that I had no choice but to scrape the moldy dishes, wipe every surface with ammonia and wash barf out of carpets (baby and dog).  Plus, Carter began taking the wheels off of Ryan's tiny skateboard toys and crawling around with them hidden in his cheek.  So something had to be done.
The absolute lack of respect and gratitude from everybody in this family is staggering.  I am taking care of everything and at the end of the day, I usually have to deal with Mike trying to get in my pants.  Not cool.  Not cool at all.  He doesn't get it.  Anybody else would have stolen a credit card and gone to a hotel to save their sanity.
Being in this position has made me decide to get an IUD.  I think that's the one that they implant in your arm and you can't get knocked up for 5 years.  I want that one, whatever its name is.  If I had another boy and had to deal with another man's bullshit and disgusting habits, I would probably end up on a slab of some description.
Oh well.  That's what's going on the last little while.  I am also planning a small party for Mowgli's first birthday.  I can't believe how much fun some mothers have doing this sort of thing.  I think I'd rather just rent a big bouncy castle and call it a day.  Turns out, they're not cheap.

What came first, the drinking or the blogging?  I hardly recall.

There she goes again!

Believe me.  Be-lieeeeeeve me.  I always tell Mike, and myself, "No, no.  Just a couple of drinks, won't be long, tah dahling!" And Mike knows.  He knows I'm going to pour myself into bed at a completely ridiculous hour, and possibly puke all over myself, jibbering about stupid nonsense and smelling of homeless people and shawarma.  He knows me.  But he lets me go out anyway (sometimes I wish he would physically restrain me).  But, honestly, I always think I'm going to be back in a couple of hours, after just a couple of drinks, I tell myself "you don't need to prove to everybody that you can still party, you can be classy and have some wine"
Nuh-uh.
What ends up happening, every single time, is somewhat different.  And not exactly classy.
This I am telling you after maybe an hour of sleep, 3 Tylenol and with my passed out friend on my living room floor at 10 am on a Saturday.  Oh, I also have the worst breath ever right now.  And my friend is snoring like a rhino.  My headache is not gone.  Thank god Mike and the baby are gone for a couple of hours.  I need silence.  And pizza.  I have to find some pizza.
My cell phone has flown the coop.  No idea where I lost it.  Probably never going to find it.  Probably never going to get another one.  No one calls me.  It's hard to have friends when you hate talking on the phone.  Which I do.  Muchly.
What a pain in the ass I can be when I drink, too.  Nobody ever tells me, but they don't invite me out often, either.  Hmm.
My birthday's over, celebrations are over, I think today I might just die of exhaustion.  I will emerge from the ashes a beautiful phoenix and maybe I'll have a cup of earl grey.
I have to gather up my dignity and pretend I didn't pee on the floor in a gay bar last night.  And forget that I ran all over the city for no reason, losing track of everyone and not being able to phone them.  Losing your cell phone in the middle of the night?  Not good.  Not fun.
After not finding my cell phone, I ended up at Franny's.  We had a really good heart to heart.  I get that way sometimes.  I wanted to walk home.  She didn't think it was a good idea.  It would have taken hours and it was 4 am and we were in a shady neighbourhood.  Now that I'm thinking back, I hope her house didn't get broken into after we left... I'm pretty sure we just left the screen door swinging in the wind when we decided it was probably best for me to get home to my family before I got myself into any more trouble.
I need to find pizza.

birthday

So.
Mike, of course, spoiled me for my birthday.  He got me more special tea with the silk sachets that I love, love, love.  "Glamour Tea".  He got me the lululemon pants I have been wanting for months.  He got me an iHome player thingy for the ipod, he got me the most bee-yoo-tee-ful bouquet of flowers.  He got meeeeee a tea mug with a diffuser ("whole new world of tea", he says).  And we went out for dinner to top it all off.
Mom and I went to One Duke, and we brought the baby.  He was fantastic, we had a great time.  We also went thrift shopping but the only one who ended up getting anything was Mowgli.  I bought him some books and toys.
What a day.  I feel so loved.  And really, all I need for my birthday I got.  I need nothing more.  But, it's still going to be fun to go out for martinis tonight with Jamie.  She's special because we've been friends now for 22 years.  Long time.  So we should have a good time drinking girly drinks!  The cherry on top of it all.

In other news...
My little boy is teething up a storm.  He isn't sleeping well, he's very fussy.  We've been having a hard time.  But I remembered a gift I got for the baby before he was born.  I don't know what these things are called, but here they are:

I just stuck a chunk of banana in the little sack, shut it and froze it.  He's been loving it.  He's been quietly chomping on it for a while now and it is messy as hell.  He's making the most disgusting mess but fuck it, he's being quiet.

A mother invented this thing.  I just know it.

happy birthday, Lindsay!

say hello to my birthday gift! 

It's from myself.

I can be so thoughtful sometimes.

aaaaaand we've been cuddling ever since

So.  The last couple of days have been fabulous!

We wad a great time at the wedding (it was lovely, I'm so glad we went), we came home and the baby wasn't even excited to see us.  He'd had a fabulous time without us.  At first that made me jealous and a little sad, but then I remembered they don't spend nearly as much time with him as I do, and maybe he needed some time away from me, too.  He's allowed to need a break.  I guess.

No no, but in all seriousness, it was nice to come home to a happy boy; not having to worry about him the entire time we were away.  We knew he was in good hands at home with people who love him.  

After days of eating nothing but nutella and banana slices on toast, last night we finally bought groceries!  We had nothing.  After having nothing in the fridge for so long, it is now my favourite thing to just look in the fridge and smile.  Very nice.

The next awesome thing is that tomorrow is my birthday.

Birthdays are so special.  It's like you wake up and feel great automatically because it's just a special day!  Even if nothing special happens, it's still a special day!  And I love a special day!  

And of course, Mike has a way of making me feel like a princess on my birthday.  

And on top of all of this, I get to pick a birthday dinner.  

Mom and I are going to One Duke for lunch tomorrow.  It's one of my favourite restaurants.  I will be having the ravioli.