No idea what I want. But here is what I don't want.

I am not one of those women who is content to spend her entire life doing any of the following:

• completely losing herself in the quest to raise self-absorbed, entitled little shits, destined to have a jillion regrets by the time menopause hits and her kids have completely taken her for granted and plan to stick her in a home
• serving.
• faking a polite phone demeanor
• brown nosing
• being embarrassed by how unoriginal I am at my high school reunion
• being too embarrassed to even attend a high school reunion
• sitting around.
• never having anything interesting to say, ever.
• only being concerned about dusty drapes and what the neighbours are doing with their azaleas 
• drinking martinis at noon

And so on.

One day, I am going to open a small gallery that caters to artists suffering from mental illness... one day.

Total Physical Exhaustion.

I bought new shoes today.  And 2 new tops, one of which I've had my eye on for weeks and was lucky to snag at the Vintage boutique that I love.  That was today.  Carter came alone and we spent the afternoon together.  Strangers made him cry, the wind made his boogers crusty and his Tombly Boo fell in the mud.  But he had a really good time, and I'm glad we spent the day together!
Now, I have started a new job at a bar in Stoney Creek.  This was my second week there, and I am making peanuts.  No money at all.  It's pitiful.  But I love my boss and the people that come into the bar all the time and I get to wear whatever I want! (I am a really big fan of not having to wear what employers tell me to wear.  Big fan.)  Anyway.  Yesterday I worked for 13 hours straight and got dicked around by drunken assholes who didn't want to pay me, and I had an anxiety attack in front of my boss, her boyfriend, and the seedy clientele who, very shortly after, left abruptly and without tipping me.  Yesterday was a horrible, horrible day.  So I know I haven't been around much the last little while, but I need to relax right now.  Just for a while.  And then I will be back.

all the things that are sucking right now.

• I lost $100.
• My brand new Uggs, worn a grand total of 20 minutes, are filthy and stained.  
• I have to reinforce all of the buttons on my trench coat.  7 buttons.
• The dry cleaners was closed.
• There is a stain on my white, wool coat.
• I had to bath Carter for Mike.
• I had to make the bottles because Mike fell asleep without making them.
• I'm out of wine.
• I have to start a new job tomorrow and hope I don't fuck that up.
• Carter's teething.  Loudly.
• I don't know when or if Kiwanis intends to pay me.
• My booklight burnt out...
• I'm so fucking pissed off that my Uggs are fucking ruined!!!  AND I LOST A HUNDRED BUCKS!!!
• My blog lost 2 followers...

ARGH!!!

Okay.
So.
Because things aren't going as well as I would like (professionally speaking), let me just go ahead and say what needs to be said.

Kids are Assholes.

Total assholes.  They ignore you when you bark orders at them.  When you tell them to sit, they lay on their bellies and wiggle around like worms.  They hit each other.  They cheat when they play games.  They lie.  They have head lice.  They give you lip.  They make you feel like a bad guy.  They ask to go to the bathroom 10 minutes after you gave everyone a bathroom break.  They tell their parents lies and their parents believe them all, regardless of the lunacy.  They smell.  They have tangly hair.  They jump and climb all over you.  They throw things.  They don't throw out their garbage.  They can't play nice.  They don't share.  They don't take care of their things; they lose everything!  They cry at the drop of a hat.  They're manipulative.  When they're in packs, they are impossible to control.  They think they know everything, they know nothing!  they nag.

There.

Not my son, though.  No siree.

Farewell To You and the Youth I Have Spent With You.

Maybe when I was a little girl I idealized you.  Maybe I was just in denial of what you really were.  Are, actually.  This Christmas is going to be a little different from years of past, but at least it will be an honest Christmas.  This year, I won't be sitting amongst people I don't even know, and people who consider me unimportant.  Sheep's clothing for Christmas, wrapped up with a little bow...
I will be spending Christmas with the people who love me, and the people who show me every day that I'm important to them.  I will be drinking lots of wine, singing lots of songs, and it will be the happiest day of my life because I will be sharing it with my son, and all the people he has grown to love.  And those people are lucky to have his love.
I will never again so easily trust, and no one will have the opportunity to try and ruin my life ever again.  Yours is not a world that I recognize.  I can't walk around pretending the way you can.  Pretending everything's fine.  Pretending I love my family.  Pretending I'm not the loneliest and saddest woman on the face of the Earth.  I will never pretend.  I will tell evil people that they are evil.  I will stay home if I don't feel like seeing someone's disgustingly fake smiling face "How ARE yooooou?"  And I will never come to another Christmas gathering with you again.  And when everyone starts dwindling away, and Carter and I are still here, you will have wished that you stood up for what was right when you had the chance.  But now it's clear I never knew you at all.  When I was a little girl, I actually thought you hung the moon.
But kids are stupid.

day 1.

I don't write as much as I used to.

Well.  Would you believe me if I told you that there are people who wear me down and batter me to the point where I just have nothing at all to say?

I have an incredible talent for reading people and seeing right through them.  And a bad habit for ignoring my better judgement and letting myself be charmed and totally bullshitted (a real word, according to my Mac) by absolutely everyone.  This is what I am struggling with lately.  And this is why there just isn't much to say.

So I have accepted a 30-Day Blog Challenge.  Maybe it will get the wordy juices flowing and get me back to my old big-mouthed surly self.  Enough of this self pity.  Fuck 'em all, right?  Right?  Right.

Well.  The first challenge is easy enough.
As you all know, my 'husband' is named Mike.  He's a carpenter.  He's a leafs fan.  His favourite food is steak.  He is a very typical man in every sense of the word.  He belches all the time.  He is not in touch with his feelings.  He feels me up every time I walk by and I have to smack him.  He is Carter's dad and we live in a very nice basement, thank YOU very much.
There really isn't much to say about our relationship.  We met at a wedding 4 years ago.  I was engaged to someone else.  I was just drawn to him for some reason.  And he to me (probably because I looked so awesome in that dress).  My mother wanted me to be with him so badly.  He was around without really being around for almost 3 years after that wedding, hanging out at his best friend's parents' trailer which was 2 trailers away from my parents'.  So I heard of him and he of me.  But the timing was never right.  But I always thought about him.
Along came facebook and one day I saw that he had become friends with my mom on facebook.  So I added him and sent him a message (what did it say again?).  We set up our first date which was on October 30th 2008 at Jack Astors.  I had a salad.  He had bowtie pasta (which seems strange now because I know he's not a huge pasta fan... but anyway).  Things became official in January.  And now it's been nearly 2 years and we have a cute little baby.
When I think back on it today, I think I was so drawn to him at that wedding because we were always supposed to end up together, and have Carter, and raise him and be a family.  I think there were invisible strings that tied us together for years, and it just had to happen when it did.  Otherwise, why wouldn't I have forgotten about him?  After all, there have been a lot of boys at a lot of weddings.  But no other Mike.
He has made me a better person.  He made me grow up.  He has made me a better mom and sometimes I don't deserve him.
These days we fight about how he never wipes the counter after preparing food, how he never puts his clothes away but leaves them stuffed in a pile in front of the closet, preventing me from getting to about 10 - 15 pairs of shoes I haven't seen in a year.  Stuff like that.  But at the end of every day, we lay next to one another and cuddle and whatever else and when our baby cries we jab each other in the ribs, in an effort to avoid having to get up with him.
It's a good life!

6 Types of Toxic Friends and How to Deal with Them - From iVillage.

I needed some advice.

1. The Promise Breaker
This friend constantly disappoints you or breaks promises, most likely because she herself was constantly disappointed during her formative years. Your friend is unable to stop herself from repeating that pattern. It is an annoying but comfortable pattern for your friend, and without psychological help, it may be hard for her or him to alter this pattern. You could abandon the friend and the friendship, or you could find a way to detach yourself by lowering your expectations for this friendship. If she promises to do something for you, even to meet you for a cup of coffee, you can say, "Sure," but protect yourself by knowing, in the back of your mind, that this friend "nine times out of 10" is going to cancel on you.

Although your friend may always have been this way, she may have also recently acquired this trait because of something she is going through right now. If a friend who has always been there for you, through thick and thin, has only recently become less reliable, you might want to cut her some slack. You have to decide if this is a lifelong trait that will be hard or impossible to change, a temporary condition that will be short-lived, or something, if it does continue indefinitely, that you are willing to accept and handle.

One way to try to change the Promise Breaker is to help her to understand the consequences of your ignored pledges. Perhaps you have been keeping your disappointments about this to yourself. Try telling her how it makes you feel. "Of course, I'll understand that you're not in the mood to drive over, but I was really looking forward to our visit." Perhaps she is unaware that this is a pattern rather than an isolated incident. "Yes, of course, I understand, but do you realize this is the fourth time in as many weeks that you've backed out on something you promised to do with me?"

If you want to continue your friendship with the Promise Breaker, make sure you reconfirm any plans at least once or even right before you are supposed to meet. If you have a cell phone or beeper, make sure your friend is able to contact you so at least you won't be left waiting if, once again, she cancels a meeting. Have "back-up" for any promises your friend makes; at least if the Promise Breaker disappoints you again, you won't be as inconvenienced by it.

The next time she promises something, try saying, "Yeah, right." When she gets angry at your sarcasm, explain that you are simply pointing out her habit of breaking her promises. Then reframe it in a more positive vein by saying, "Prove me wrong. This time, keep your promise."

2. The Double-crosser
This negative friend betrays you big-time. It could happen when someone does something to hurt you, such as spreading a malicious rumor about you. Or it could be an emotional double-cross; for example, when a close or best friend stops speaking to you and you never find out why. That's what happened to Jill, who is now 47. Although angry words were never exchanged between Jill and her friend, the silence, the betrayal of their commitment to be friends and to share, was just as real as any harmful action. Jill explains:

"She was the only real friend I ever had. I didn't make friends easily. I wasn't allowed to have friends. When I got to high school, I met Dale and we became very close. The one time I ran away, I ran to her house. It was a very special friendship. We went to nursing school together. Then one day she met another girl.... About a week later, she stopped speaking to me. I'd call her; she'd hang up on me. I'd write to her; she'd return the letters, unopened."

Ten years later, they resumed their friendship, although they still have never discussed why Dale stopped calling. The wounds from her friend's emotional double-crossing are there, however. "We're close, but not as close," Jill explains. But then she qualifies her description of her friendship with Dale as "close." "For me, for the type of person I am, it's close. For somebody like my sister, it's not close."

The double-cross could be something even more concrete, like the betrayal experienced by 43-year-old Susan, a homemaker. Susan was betrayed by a married close family friend who was attracted to her sister:

"He continued to express his desire and love for her, and when she insisted that he put an end to the numerous phone messages at her office and she told him of her disgust at this attitude, he turned around and told his wife that my sister was coming on to him. It was a real fatal attraction. I personally phoned him and ended our friendship. I'm talking real betrayal. Our family felt totally betrayed by this man, whom we had all known since childhood."

Susan shares other betrayals, by another friend: "One of my girlfriends is now using my sister and myself as an alibi while she carries on extramarital affairs. This is very upsetting. She has also repeated some things to another friend which were said to her in confidence." This second friend is putting Susan in a compromising position, and possibly even an ethical bind, over the cover-up of her extramarital affairs. By blabbing privileged information, she is also acting like the Discloser (described below).

The Double-crosser may have some real emotional issues that need to be addressed if you are to continue a friendship with her. If your friend was betrayed by a parent or sibling during her formative years, she may have a need to repeat that behavior with her friends. The betrayal could have been as subtle as being disappointed by her parents or as blatant as being the victim of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. Your friend may need outside help to reverse the cycle she is in, of doing to others what was done to her.

If you have been double-crossed by a particular friend, you may want to consider ending the friendship. If you have not been directly harmed by this friend but have evidence that she has hurt others, you have to decide if you are risking too much by maintaining the friendship.

If you do decide to walk away from this friendship, do it in a low-key way that avoids incurring the wrath of the Double-crosser. You do not want to be her or his next victim.

3. The Self-absorbed
Certainly the Self-absorbed is a tamer type of negative friend than the Risk-taker. Still, especially over the long haul, a friend who does not make the time to listen to you will eat away at your self-esteem. For you to feel good about yourself, and for your friendship to thrive, you have to be more than a sounding board. The Self-absorbed does not care; she listens to you only because she is waiting to speak.

Self-absorbed chatter is a way of covering up an inability to tolerate silence which some, especially those who have intimacy problems, may find excruciating. You may ask your friend to try to become more aware that she is talking non-stop, and about herself, when it's really a nervous habit designed to fill up the time and space. Could your friend learn to relax more? Enjoy silence? Learn how to ask questions so that you don't feel like a dumping ground?

Once again, is this a trait your friend is aware of and choosing to ignore, or is she unaware of it but once aware of it, she will be capable of changing it? If change is not possible, is there enough that is positive about this friendship that you are willing to continue it even if it is decidedly lopsided?

Perhaps, in a gentle and non-offensive way, you could ask the Self-absorbed friend if she seems to notice that the give-and-take is unequal, that she shares more about her life than you get to share about yours.

With the Self-absorbed friend, you might want to plan an activity to share that minimizes this problem, such as playing tennis, going to the movies, or taking a class. You might want to carefully consider sitting next to the Self-Absorbed on a five-hour train ride or having lengthy meals together, just the two of you. As with the One-upper, whose profile revolves around excessive jealousy, involving more friends with the Self-absorbed might help to offset her nervousness as well as create some additional 'air times' that will even out the balance of power.

4. The Discloser
When you say to this friend, "This is just between us," she nods her head but unfortunately that promise will last only as long as it takes her to get to her phone or e-mail. Although there should be an assumption of confidentiality and trust between friends, this friend can't help herself. Telling this person a secret makes her feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. Like the game "hot potato," she has to pass the hot secret along to someone else in order to relieve the anxiety knowing the secret made her feel. There are also some Disclosers who simply have a big mouth. If someone you know has this personality trait, avoid telling her your innermost secret -- unless you don't mind if it's shared with the world.

This friend quickly gets a reputation for being a gossip. Unfortunately, there may be some secondary gains to having that distinction. Maybe the primary friend is annoyed by the betrayal and the secret sharing, but everyone else, including other friends, may be delighted by the confidential information that is being shared.

You also have to be sure that your friend understands that you consider the information that you are sharing should always be confidential or secret. Spreading the news that you just got a raise or are expecting a child may seem like information that is fair game for retelling. If it is something you do not want retold, or if you want to be the one retelling it, let your friend know before you mislabel her the Discloser.

How do you know if someone will betray your confidence? If you suspect someone has this trait, share an unimportant secret that you could live with her spreading and see how fast or widespread the confidence is shared.

If you suspect that your friend is unaware that he or she discloses secrets, start by bringing this behavior out in the open. Pick a specific instance when your friend revealed a confidence, and see if he or she acknowledges his or her transgression. Does he or she apologize? Does he or she deny doing it? Does he or she ask your forgiveness, explaining that he or she was unaware the information was privileged?

If you suspect your friend is incapable of changing this pattern and you want to maintain the friendship, protect yourself by being more careful about exactly what information you share. You might also want to reconsider the level of intimacy for this friendship; if you want to maintain your relationship, perhaps it should be on a less frequent or less confidential basis.

5. The Competitor
A little bit of competition is healthy and to be expected. An appropriate amount of competition will motivate and stimulate. But too much competition between friends starts to destroy the friendship. One of the primary ingredients in a positive friendship is that one or both friends feel that they can be "themselves" and that they don't have to put on airs or impress one another. Competition implies a race in which one wins and the other loses; those conditions are quite the opposite of what someone typically expects in a positive friendship, especially a close or best one.

Friends who are competitors probably compete in every area of their lives and find it difficult or impossible to ease up even when it comes to close or best friends. They may compete at work, at school, and even in community affairs. They may be in competition with their spouses or romantic partners, or even with their parents or their children, The Competitor may find this distinctive personality trait hard or impossible to change or eradicate.

You can help the situation, however, by trying to avoid setting up overly competitive situations. For instance, if you share about a success in your personal life or career, especially if you ease into bragging, you may be unwittingly setting off an "I'll show you" reaction.

Helping to heighten the Competitor's awareness about this tendency might help her to deal with this proclivity. If you do want to share something that you think will propel her into a "me too" reaction, you could preface your comments with, "Let me just share something with you without it having anything to do with you, okay?"

The onus for changing the Competitor's behavior, however, is on her; developing a better self-image will diminish her need to compete with everything you say or do.

If you wish to stay friends with the Competitor, you may have to be willing to listen to her brags and boasts far more often than you can share your own.

6. The Fault-finder
Nothing you do, say, or wear is good enough for this overly critical friend. The Fault-finder was probably raised by extremely judgmental parents who were also rearing equally hypercritical siblings. Being criticized during her formative years laid the groundwork for an overly critical adult. It's a hard trait to reverse, and your friend may even be unaware that she is so critical or that it annoys and upsets you so much. Before labeling this type of friendship as hopelessly destructive, you might want to see if your friend could recognize this excessively derogatory behavior and, with time and help, change that orientation. Otherwise, you may decide that you just have to accept this trait in your friend and realize that it reflects on her, not on you or your friendship.

If you value this friend and want to try to maintain the friendship despite the Fault-finder's criticisms, try sharing with him or her how his or her behavior makes you feel. "I know you like me, and I know you may not even mean to make me feel bad, but when you find fault in everything I say or do, it makes me feel bad about myself." He or she might get defensive, even saying it's "your problem," not his or hers. But if you emphasize how the Fault-finder's behavior impacts on you, it may help him or her to reassess what he or she is saying or doing without having to be "right." Furthermore, by sharing how it makes you feel, you may be less resentful if you decide you are willing to put up with the Fault-finder.

However, if you are at your wit's end and willing to try one more thing before calling it quits, try finding fault in the Fault-finder. Those who criticize and find fault are often unable to take it from others. If you do criticize the Fault-finder, it may break the spell of negativity that is now allowing this friend to say and do anything toward you. When the shoe is on the other foot, she may suddenly have an "ah-ha" awareness of what it feels like to others. But beware: The Fault-finder might cut off your friendship forever rather than deal with your criticisms or even try to understand the larger message you are trying to convey.

Read more: http://www.ivillage.com/6-types-toxic-friends-and-how-you-can-deal-them/4-a-283671#ixzz16aqufGXx
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counting sheep

I can't sleep.  So I am resorting to blogging.  You may have noticed I have taken some more time off.  Well, I've been avoiding the computer altogether as of late.  Just seems like life was always easier when all we had was a home phone.  Now that anyone can find you anytime, anywhere, and contact you and know all about your life so easily, life is just more complicated.  Sometimes it's just nice to switch off.

The last week has been pretty nice, all in all.  I have been keeping to myself for the most part, and focussing on my new job - the funnest job ever.  Funnest isn't a word, by the way.
I get to play games with kids after school.  Little kids.  Funny little kids.  I love it.

I wish I could sleep.
I wish I had some wine.

Do you ever wonder how many people would actually be in your life if you didn't have facebook?  Would you ever hang out with 99% of the friends you have on facebook?  Not me.  Why the hell do we put ourselves out there like that?  I hate facebook.  But of course I still have it.  Stupid facebook...  if it weren't for facebook I never would have decided that I hate some of the idiots that I know.  I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing...

I just wish I could sleep.
I promise I'll be back soon, and I will be witty as ever.

The Bloggers

I think it takes a special kind of person to create a place on the internet where anybody can go and learn about their lives, or judge them.
These are who we are, as writers, and we have to own it.
So when confronted with something that I've written, even if it was probably a stupid thing to write to begin with, I have to smile and say "yep, that's how it seemed to me".  And people will form all kinds of opinions and say all kinds of awful things about us but none of that matters.  We have to own it.
Just like any book will be read by different people, and they will all have read it in their own way, and formed their own opinions, this is also how it goes with our blogs.  And if we love to write and if people can relate to us and enjoy reading it, then we can't let the spotlight scare us from doing what we love to do.

Some of the strongest bloggers out there are mothers.  And they get all kinds of hate mail because strangers like to think that they can judge what kind of parent you are by whatever you write.  But anybody who is actually a mother can relate to almost everything that a 'mommyblogger' posts, and that's what makes them so uncompromisingly  popular with moms and readers all over the world, and it is what enables them to literally make a living through their blogs.

So who cares what those hate mailers write?
Well, no matter where it comes from or what it says, when your parenting skills are criticized you will get angry, as a mother.  But it's important to know that no one can get an accurate, full idea of the person you truly are just by reading a few paragraphs in a blog that you update every few days or so.

Anyway, in the spirit of dealing with blog-reader hatred, I have posted some of the most incredible blogs I have ever come across, written by people who just OWN IT and who have risen to internet fame as a result of their resilience and strength.

Dooce
Finslippy
No Ordinary Rollercoaster
Hyperbole and a Half
Bitchin Aint Easy

To every blogger who tells it like it is, who shares their thoughts and lives with complete strangers (who sometimes turn out to be maniacal idiots), and who stand their ground in the name of what they love to do, I salute you.

working, and how much my lazy ass hates doing it.

I am going to just come clean.  Y'all deserve to know.
I am on the hunt for a job.
I got one, not long ago, at a restaurant.  The boss was going to give me ideal shifts, excellent hours, I had heard rumours of excellent tips, and I nailed the interview.  I think this guy really liked me.
So Mike and I went out to get appropriate attire for my first shift.  I was to start the next day.  I was nervous, apprehensive, but willing.
The next day, I was basically dreading it all day long.  It's been a year since I have worked, and honestly I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER OH MY GOD WORKING SUCKS I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!  Ahem.  But I was mentally prepping myself.  I was ready to go.  As ready as I could be.
It was a half an hour before my very first shift when I felt my hands getting sweaty.  My mouth going dry.  Tears welled up in my eyes and I took off my work outfit in a frenzy and fell into a pathetic pile in the middle of the floor, bawling my eyes out.  Lowest of the low.  Mike is across the basement looking at me like I'm some homeless dude following him for blocks yelling "YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" or something.  I just made that simile up on the spot.  It's not supposed to be great.
ANYWAY.  Yeah.  Mike thought I was a total freak.
I didn't go.
I felt terrible about it.  I just got too scared.  Something came over me.  It wasn't a last ditch effort to just get out of working.  If I wanted to do that, I wouldn't have gone to the interview.  Although, I do have to admit that it was a pretty convenient time for an anxiety attack.
But in all seriousness, it wasn't an act, and it wasn't funny.

Our doctor wrote me a prescription for pills that make me confused and slow.  And happy.  These will help me in the future.
And that's a good thing because I have to get back out there and find a J-O-B.
But I don't want just any job!  I want a cool job, DAMMIT!
And just you wait.  I'll get a cool job.  Or at least, something better than folding t-shirts all day long at Sears.  Fuck that.  And fuck serving.  I hated that.  I hated that for all of the miserable years that I did it.  I have an education, dammit.  And a pretty face.

I just hope prospective employers aren't into googling their potential employees...

Umm, untitled.

If you read this regularly, you know that I have a lot to complain about.
Some people are okay, but for the most part I want to poison them all.
So it is important for me to, every once in a while, take stock of all the good things that surround me all the time.
Actually, that's important for everybody, as I tend to ruin everybody else's day if I'm having a bad one.
But here are some things that are just great:

• Emptying the lint trap in the washing machine when it's really, really linty.
• The smell of Carter's breath.
• Getting a new issue of Vogue and sniffing it first thing
• Scented candles that smell like food: ginger, pumpkin, vanilla...
• Painting.  Who cares if you suck.
• A good book that you found at a Goodwill.
• Being right.  About anything.  Especially when your mother is wrong.
• Snail mail.
• A glass of wine.
• A phone call from a missed friend.
• The look on Carter's face when his daddy comes home
• A cup of tea.
• Hitting a fly with the swatter.
• Picnics.
• A cigarette when you're drunk
• Beirut (the band)
• lipstick
• Cuddling
• baby farts
• When Mike is silly
• Home made pancakes
• Reality TV
• Chicken nuggets and honey
• Carter's laugh

a badge and a bash

I finally got Carter to have a nap.

Usually we don't have a problem with this, but this morning he was just in too good a mood to go to sleep. It was cute. I put him in his crib and he would whine a little. As soon as I'd walk in he would grin from ear to ear. Cute little bugger.

I made my blog a badge today.

Throw it onto your blog. The code is on the right somewhere. Doooo it!

There's been a lot of conflict as of late in this household. I will not go into detail but suffice it to say that the human race has been disgusting me lately. People are real shits to one another, and I'm sick of it. The more I see people betraying one another, being phony to each other and just generally being dick heads, the more I sink into myself. I don't want to make new friends. In fact, I dread situations in which someone might try to become friends with me. I don't need any. Most of the ones I have had turned into utter disappointments. I remember every tear, every lie, every fake smile and every low blow and I don't forgive easily. I pride myself on being brutally honest. I wasn't always; but once you decide that you're going to be genuine there is no half-assing it. It's actually a very liberating way to live!

If I don't like you, you are going to fucking know about it.

I can see this becoming problematic. But I can't help it! When I see injustice, my first instinct is to point it out and raise all hell about it. When someone is disrespectful to people, I treat them like pond scum. It's just the way I am and I honestly can't help it.

I swear, it's not that I like drama. In fact, it is just the opposite. My favourite thing about Mike is the fact that he is probably the most predictable man on Earth and he never yells. Unless I'm drunk and say something stupid. but that's different.

What I'm trying to say is: if you're more trouble than you're worth, adios. Who needs ya?

I'm not referring to any particular person. Honestly. It's just everyone, you know? I'm losing faith in people. Not you, though. You're super cool.

mum jams: And then I Dreamt of Yes - The Dandy Warhols

Villains

People always ask you that, "if your life were a book, would you read it?"

In my case, I probably wouldn't. But that's hardly the point. It is a story noner the lesser, and I write it every day. I am the protagonist, Mike is the hero and Carter is the climax (pun intended zing!). But every so often a nasty villain makes their way into my story, and I cannot allow them to derail my plot progression. Pesky fuckers.

Is there a villain in your story?

About villains, and I pulled this from Wikipedia: The villain usually is the antagonist, the character who tends to have a negative effect on other characters. A female villain is sometimes called a villainess (often to differentiate her from a male villain). Random House Unabridged Dictionary defines villain as "a cruelly malicious person who is involved in or devoted to wickedness or crime; scoundrel; or a character in a play, novel, or the like, who constitutes an important evil agency in the plot" Or in other words A Big Fat Jerk.

So I will ask again, is there a villain in your story?

Is there someone in your life depleting your emotional reserves? Is there someone in your life who causes you more grief than happiness? Is there someone who could walk in a room and ruin your day immediately?

I have slain several villains, because that's what the protagonist has to do. Read a book. Any. You'll see what I mean. Those of you who have already read a few books in your day are following what I'm saying. Good for you. Literacy is very important. Read to your children. ANYWAY ...

When it comes to villains, usually I am all about turning the other cheek. To a degree. When you have turned the other cheek so often that your head is about to turn right around a la exorcist, I'd say enough is enough.

You don't have to physically slay your villain.

Sometimes words are just the thing.

Sometimes, a person needs to be told when they are out of line.

Sometimes an asshole needs to be called an asshole.

It's all in the interest of making your story the best you can. Slay your fucking villain.